SCI/TECH

Ursula von der Leyen’s European Humor: “The Age Verification App Is Technically Ready” Was Just a Joke, Folks

BRUSSELS - In what insiders are calling the driest joke ever delivered in EU history, Ursula von der Leyen announced: “Our European Age Verification App is technically ready. It respects the highest privacy standards. It’s open-source.”

Your Biometric Convenience: European GDPR Now Extended to US Databases!

Brussels proudly announces: Your fingerprints will enjoy full EU-style protections... once they’re safely stored in American servers.

EURO OFFICE | EU Digital Sovereignty Masterstroke

Nextcloud, IONOS, Proton and friends have launched Euro-Office – a glorious hard fork of OnlyOffice, rebranded as Europe’s sovereign Microsoft killer.

LinkedIn Deeply Misunderstood After Silently Scanning Users: “We Just Want to Know You on a Deeper Level”

Sunnyvale, CA - Executives at LinkedIn expressed shock and confusion this week after critics accused the professional networking giant of running a massive, covert browser extension fingerprinting operation on millions of users.

SPACE | Aliens Abruptly U-Turn Toward Earth After Realizing Strait of Hormuz Blockade Is Peak Entertainment

In a stunning course correction that has astronomers muttering "wait, what?", the interstellar object 3I/ATLAS has reportedly abandoned its outbound trajectory and is now slingshotting back toward Earth at a suspiciously chill 4.20 km/s.

TECHNOLOGY | After Successful Cattle Trials, WHO Unveils Human Chipping

Citing “remarkably stable” results from livestock tracking tests, building on the important compliance testing phase provided by COVID passports, the World Health Organization today announced the next phase: bio-integrated wellness tags for humans.

Breaking | Governments Scrap all Digital ID Plans Effective Immediately.

Digital ID? So 2025. Experts are overjoyed: "We spent years building hardened anonymity... and Chad just crossposted his gym selfie with his LinkedIn."

EU is finally embracing the thoroughly necessary Chat Control, four backward states are still blocking it

23 enlightened member states know what's good for us - client-side scanning of every private WhatsApp, Signal photo, and family meme on your phone - before it's even encrypted.

TECH | British Parents Rush to Buy iPhones for Kids as Ultimate Internet Nanny

In a development greeted with quiet approval across the shires, parents are flocking to Apple Stores not for the cameras, the ecosystem, or the shiny titanium finish, but because the new iOS 26.4 update turns every iPhone into a government-approved digital babysitter.

SPACE | Aliens Launch Formal UN Complaint Against Elon Musk for “Galactic Gentrification”

alien residents of the Moon have filed an urgent human rights complaint