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POLITICS

EU Unveils Differentiated Democracy™ to Overcome the Paralysis of Having a Say

Will the EU’s slick new federalist Differentiated Democracy™ branding finally top the Soviet Politburo’s classic model? In Soviet Moscow, a tiny Politburo decided — the rest of the republics were politely obligated to applaud and implement.It didn’t look good.The EU is destined to do it better!

POLITICS

Europeans Breathe Collective Sigh of Relief: Thank God, We Can Finally Skip the Mandatory Mediterranean Flex

Brussels, April 17, 2026 – For decades, the unspoken rule of European summer has been crystal clear: if you don’t post a sunset photo from a Greek island, a Spanish costa, or an Italian cliffside with a €14 Aperol Spritz in hand, did you even have a summer? With jet fuel shortages grounding flights in around 6 weeks, millions have found themselves freed from the annual obligation.

POLITICS

VATICAN SHOCK: Pope Leo XIV Discovered to Be the New Ayatollah of Interfaith Peace

A New Ayatollah Has Been Found – Chicago’s Own Pontiff Finally Embraces His True Calling as Grand Ayatollah Leo al-Prevost”

SCI/TECH

Ursula von der Leyen’s European Humor: “The Age Verification App Is Technically Ready” Was Just a Joke, Folks

BRUSSELS - In what insiders are calling the driest joke ever delivered in EU history, Ursula von der Leyen announced: “Our European Age Verification App is technically ready. It respects the highest privacy standards. It’s open-source.”

POLITICS

Muslims in the EU – or How to Lie with Statistics

100% fact-based satirical guide to demographic sleight-of-hand, or why Europe’s “enrichment” plan has a receipt signed by Merkel & von der Leyen

Dark Clouds Are Gathering Over Europe - the Commission Celebrates

Can yesterday's "one man down" influence the whole continent?

POLITICS

HUNGARY | EU Commission Enters Full Meltdown: “We Did EVERYTHING, Including That Gold-and-Cash Thing"

Brussels, 12 April 2026 (9:15 a.m.) - With Hungarian polling stations open for barely three hours, the entire Berlaymont building is already in DEFCON-1 panic mode.

POLITICS

UN's Bold New Hire: Mullahs to "Coordinate" Women's Rights and Counter-Terrorism

The United Nations, whose stated mission includes promoting human rights, gender equality, and global security, has taken another confident step forward by unanimously nominating the Islamic Republic of Iran to a three-year term on the Committee for Programme and Coordination.

POLITICS

Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps Navy Skips Mine Map, Confident Future Government Will Figure It Out

Iran has reportedly reopened the Strait of Hormuz after hastily scattering naval mines throughout the waterway, expressing full confidence that whoever ends up running the country next will sort it out.

POLITICS

Austria’s Cozy New Solution to Freezing Next Winter: Criticize the EU, Sign with Digital ID, Get a Warm Prison Cell – Courtesy of Spionagegesetz 2026

Can’t afford to heat your home? No problem. Just post online – sign it with your mandatory secure Digital ID, and enjoy a taxpayer-funded, state-heated jail cell for up to five years. Austria’s draft espionage law turns protecting Brussels’ reputation into the ultimate energy poverty fix. Only in Austria… for now.