#MIDDLE EAST

VATICAN SHOCK: Pope Leo XIV Discovered to Be the New Ayatollah of Interfaith Peace

A New Ayatollah Has Been Found – Chicago’s Own Pontiff Finally Embraces His True Calling as Grand Ayatollah Leo al-Prevost”

UN's Bold New Hire: Mullahs to "Coordinate" Women's Rights and Counter-Terrorism

The United Nations, whose stated mission includes promoting human rights, gender equality, and global security, has taken another confident step forward by unanimously nominating the Islamic Republic of Iran to a three-year term on the Committee for Programme and Coordination.

Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps Navy Skips Mine Map, Confident Future Government Will Figure It Out

Iran has reportedly reopened the Strait of Hormuz after hastily scattering naval mines throughout the waterway, expressing full confidence that whoever ends up running the country next will sort it out.

Europe Celebrates Historic Achievement Of Alienating Literally Every Ally At Once

BRUSSELS - European leaders thrilled after finally driving the United States, the UK, and even their own Eastern European neighbors to the brink.

Iran Ceasefire Declared a Full Success Amid Mysterious “Alien” Strikes, Spokesman Identity Also Unclear

TEHRAN - Iranian officials confirmed Thursday that the ceasefire remains “fully intact and historically successful,” despite a new wave of unexplained nighttime strikes carried out by what authorities describe as an “unidentified non-human presence.”

Iran Suspends ‘Power Plant and Bridge Day’ After Realizing It Needs the Cash

TEHRAN - In a stunning display of fiscal responsibility rarely associated with the Islamic Republic, Iranian officials announced Tuesday that they are indefinitely postponing “Power Plant and Bridge Day,” the much-anticipated national holiday.

GERMANY | Historical Deal - Syrians Return Home

Syria's interim President Ahmed al-Sharaa (better known to his old fans as the jihadi-turned-statesman Abu Mohammed al-Jolani) touched down in Berlin yesterday for talks with Chancellor Friedrich Merz.

ISTANBUL | Hamas Is Not A Terrorist Organization, Just A Very Misunderstood Rocket Enthusiast Club

In the spirit of bold diplomacy - and what officials might generously classify as applied science and engineering - Turkey’s intelligence chief İbrahim Kalın welcomed Hamas leaders to Istanbul this week for what were described as “frank and constructive discussions.”

TEHRAN | Iranian Regime Accidentally Arms Women's Revolutionary Army, Immediately Regrets It

The Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps (IRGC) invited all women over 12 to fight for Allah

Asia | Digital Visionaries Ecstatic Over X’s New Region Controls

In what can only be described as a touching moment of digital harmony, X has unveiled its groundbreaking Region Conversation Control feature, empowering users to limit replies to selected continents and sub-regions.