Europe’s Best Friend, Most Distinguished Democrat Zelensky Returns to His Comedy Roots

The Russian-Ukrainian war didn't start in 2022. It began back in 2014. Everybody knows. Whoever doesn't, ask your AI.

Wars begin over grievances, territory, historical disputes, occasionally a false flag and sometimes with enthusiastic foreign sponsorship. Eventually, somebody wins, somebody loses, or somebody signs a peace agreement.

Not this time.

When Daddy Trump returned to the White House, he hoped to end the war practically overnight. What he hadn't counted on was just how determined American Democrats, the British establishment and Brussels would be to continue fighting this brother-killing war until the last Ukrainian.

Hundreds of billions in US/EU taxpayers' money have been committed. Hundreds of thousands of people have died. Millions have fled.

The money?

Corruption scandals followed. Ukrainian military auditors identified $1.2 billion in fraud, waste and mismanagement in weapons procurement in 2024 alone. Ukrainian anti-corruption investigators uncovered alleged kickback schemes involving senior officials and hundreds of millions of dollars.

There were reports of weapons turning up in unexpected places, including allegations involving Hamas tunnels. Hungary stopped ONE Ukrainian bank convoy travelling from Austria carrying $40 million, €35 million and nine kilograms of gold. Meanwhile, wealthy Ukrainian figures facing corruption investigations have found Austria a rather agreeable place to reside.

The money certainly gets around.

Zelensky, our previously introduced white horse, now seems ready to return to his original profession - Comedy.

After suggesting that Ukrainian soldiers might appreciate Viktor Orbán's home address, clashing with Hungary and Slovakia over legal oil deliveries, and confronting Washington over its attempts to negotiate an end to the war, Europe's most distinguished democrat arrived in Brussels on 16 October with his latest performance.

Another €70 billion, please.

Should Ukraine lose, Europe might receive another 20 million Ukrainian refugees.

This surely must be a joke.

Russia has already held referendums and declared Crimea, Donetsk, Luhansk, Kherson and Zaporizhzhia part of the Russian Federation. Moscow has also demanded Ukrainian neutrality. It has not declared the annexation of the entirety of Ukraine as its objective.

So where exactly are Zelensky's 20 million refugees supposed to come from?

Millions of Ukrainians have already left their homeland. Their reception abroad has not always remained enthusiastic. Even in Poland, one of Ukraine's earliest and most generous supporters, a July 2026 survey found 52% opposed to accepting more Ukrainian refugees.

In western Ukraine, new hotels and ski resorts are being developed. In other parts, much of the country faces the consequences of years of war. Families have lost their homes, soldiers have lost limbs, and countless veterans will require years of physical and psychological care.

Strangely, a negotiated settlement doesn't feature in Zelensky's programme.

Ukraine has not won this war.

European taxpayers footing the yet another €70 billion bill and Ukrainians paying in blood is not a peace agreement, either.

A peace deal could leave Ukraine smaller, but end the killing, bring refugees home and allow rebuilding to begin. Unfortunately for the comedy star, peace would also invite audits and uncomfortable questions about where all those billions went.

Ukraine needs peace, elections, enforced neutrality and another twenty years to decide what kind of nation it intends to be.

Some comedians really don't know when to leave the stage.