HUNGARY | EU Commission Enters Full Meltdown: “We Did EVERYTHING, Including That Gold-and-Cash Thing"

According to multiple sources who spoke on condition of anonymity, the EU had gone the extra mile this time, including generous support for “civil society initiatives”, armoured vans full of cash, dollars, euros, and a not-insignificant quantity of gold bars.

Commission President Ursula von der Leyen is reportedly locked in her office reviewing notes titled

“If He Wins Anyway: Volume VII”

while aides removed all scissors from the stationery cupboard.

Brussels is now in hour four of trying to reach George Soros. His office replied that Mr. Soros is unavailable: “Mr. Soros is not involved in any operational capacity. However, we understand he is currently ‘on the mice’, which we interpret as a private philanthropic matter.”

When pressed on the persistent rumours, the Commission’s lead spokesperson delivered the following statement:

“That? A misunderstanding. Also, those mice you may have heard about? The ones allegedly living inside the ballot boxes and, according to certain unverified TikToks, nibbling ‘yes’ ballots into ‘no’ ballots? They do not exist. We have checked. No mice. Zero mice. The mice are fake news. Please stop asking about the mice."

Good luck Hungary, good luck Europe!

Disclaimer: This is a satirical piece. vlgr is not a real news outlet - it's parody and exaggeration for entertainment purposes only.