Internet Disappointed White House Shooter Is Just Mentally Ill Jesus Impersonator, Not A Cool Iranian Assassin

“This sucks,” tweeted @BasedDoomer1776, whose pinned tweet is still “Waiting for the false flag since 2016.”

Left-leaning accounts were equally gutted. “We were this close to a two-hour Rachel Maddow special on how Trump’s hawkish Iran rhetoric created a domestic terror wave,” said one anonymous MSNBC producer. “Instead we get… this guy? Come on.”

Pro-Palestine and America First accounts were busy shilling the Israel angle hard overnight.

“This has Bibi written all over it - Netanyahu desperate to torpedo Trump’s Iran deal with a Mossad false flag right at the White House checkpoint,” posted one viral account that racked up 80k likes. “Perfect timing as the Hormuz announcement lands. Classic Netanyahu move to keep the war machine humming. #BibiDidIt #MossadCheckpoint #IsraelSabotage.”

Please, people. Take your meds.

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As the publicist for this satirical article, we are relieved that the damage was minimal, the suspect was swiftly detained by authorities, and we extend our sincere wishes for a quick and full recovery to the injured bystander.

Disclaimer: This is a satirical piece. vlgr is not a real news outlet - it's parody and exaggeration for entertainment purposes only

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What actually happened:

WASHINGTON, D.C. - On the evening of Saturday, May 23, 2026, 21-year-old Nasire Best of Maryland approached a U.S. Secret Service checkpoint outside the White House, removed a handgun from his bag and opened fire on the officers.

Secret Service agents returned fire, striking Best, who was transported to George Washington University Hospital where he later died. One bystander was wounded in the exchange and remains in serious condition. No Secret Service personnel were injured.

President Donald Trump was inside the White House at the time and was unharmed. The complex was briefly locked down before the all-clear was given.

Investigators have stated there is no evidence of terrorism or political motive; Best had a documented history of prior attempts to access White House grounds and had been involuntarily committed for psychiatric treatment related to mental health issues.