IRAN | In Show of Progressive Resolve, Supreme Leader Announces First Tehran Love Parade

Tehran, March 17, 2026 - Fresh off reports of the new Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei's profound disappointment upon discovering that the promised 72 virgins in paradise are, regrettably, all female, the Islamic Republic has unveiled a surprising policy thaw: Iran is loosening its longstanding anti-gay regulations and will host its inaugural Tehran Love Parade next month.

The parade route will wind from Azadi Square to the former U.S. Embassy (now a highly-rated kebab spot), featuring floats sponsored by the IRGC's "Rainbow Brigade" division.

Sources close to the matter confirm the Ayatollah personally approved the event after scholars ruled that "if paradise can adapt, so can the Islamic Republic."

Rumors swirl that the 72 virgins clause will be quietly amended in future martyrdom contracts to include "customizable companionship packages."

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Source: https://babylonbee.com/news/ayatollah-disappointed-to-learn-72-virgins-awaiting-him-in-paradise-are-all-women