Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps Navy Skips Mine Map, Confident Future Government Will Figure It Out

Officials released declared the waterway safe for business - provided tanker captains enjoy a game of Battleship.

“We’re about 70% sure we remember where we put them,” another official said. “And the remaining 30% will reveal itself over time.”

Global oil markets, already twitchy, watched a grand total of twelve brave vessels creep through this week.

Until then, the world’s most vital chokepoint remains open in theory only.

Disclaimer: This is a satirical piece. vlgr is not a real news outlet - it's parody and exaggeration for entertainment purposes only.