Canada-EU Merger To Be Called “EU-CAN” As Nation Replaces Beaver With More Compliant Donkey

The decision comes hot on the heels of a Spark Advocacy poll showing one in four Canadians think formally joining the EU would be a “good idea,” while a further 58% said it was “worth considering further.”

As part of the agreement, Canada’s national animal will be officially changed from the beaver to the donkey - a creature renowned for its stubbornness, ability to carry heavy loads without complaint, and occasional tendency to kick when pushed too far.

EU officials praised the choice, noting that “the donkey perfectly embodies the future Canadian citizen: hardworking, occasionally braying in protest, but ultimately going exactly where Brussels tells it to.”

One senior EU negotiator, speaking on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to sound enthusiastic, said: “Canada brings vast resource and endless politeness. In return, we offer them harmonized regulations from tractor seats to the curvature of cucumbers. It’s a win-win.”

Canadian Prime Minister’s Office sources described the public reaction as “cautiously enthusiastic, eh,” adding that most respondents who said the idea was “worth considering” simply didn’t want to seem rude by saying no.

The beaver, meanwhile, has reportedly already begun packing its bags and muttering something about moving to Alaska. Officials confirmed that Canada’s accession process will take approximately 14 years, 6,000 pages of paperwork, and at least three national referendums that will all somehow be considered “non-binding.”

This is a developing story. More forms in triplicate to follow.

SOURCE: https://www.theglobeandmail.com/canada/article-canada-eu-european-union-poll/