SCI/TECH

EU is finally embracing the thoroughly necessary Chat Control, four backward states are still blocking it

23 enlightened member states know what's good for us - client-side scanning of every private WhatsApp, Signal photo, and family meme on your phone - before it's even encrypted.

vlgr March 25, 2026 44 reads 1 min read

#AGENDA 2030 #EUROPE #OPSEC #POPULAR

China and Russia can only weep on in jealous admiration.

Quick reminder: Chat Control is the brilliant plan to automatically scan all our private messages for forbidden content. No more hiding. Real security at last!

Terrorists and criminals won't be able to hide anymore - not even when they chat about pizza deliveries or share innocent holiday snaps. The AI will flag it all, just to be safe.

And those four countries? Obviously not democratic enough, still clinging to ridiculous 20th-century ideas like privacy and freedom instead of modern, caring surveillance.

We didn't march against the Stasi in 1989 to live in an EU that hesitates to do the right thing.

Hooray for the thoroughly necessary Chat Control!

Solidarity with the 23 progressive ones!

Disclaimer: This is a satirical piece. vlgr is not a real news outlet—it's parody and exaggeration for entertainment purposes only. Read the linked source for actual facts.