Iran Suspends ‘Power Plant and Bridge Day’ After Realizing It Needs the Cash

The decision came just hours before President Donald Trump’s self-imposed 8 p.m. ET deadline, when he had vowed to deliver what he colorfully described as “Power Plant Day and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one - boom, beautiful, the best explosions you’ve ever seen.”

Sources close to the Supreme National Security Council say the regime performed a quick cost-benefit analysis and discovered a fatal flaw in the original plan: “We looked at the spreadsheets and realized we’re going to need those power plants and bridges if we want to keep collecting tolls on the Strait of Hormuz,” one anonymous ayatollah reportedly stated. “Blowing them up seemed… fiscally irresponsible.”

Early reports suggest vessels are already being invoiced at roughly $2 million per one-way voyage, with optional “express passage” upgrades available for an additional fee. Officials confirmed the pricing model is “competitive” compared to the alternative.

The 10-point Iranian peace plan, initially dismissed by Trump as “not good enough” but later accepted as a “workable basis for negotiations,” cleverly omitted any firm commitments on uranium enrichment limits while quietly securing sanctions relief discussions and vague promises of reconstruction funds.

Analysts note that “reconstruction” now appears to be self-funded through Hormuz highway robbery - er, legitimate maritime fees.

President Trump, speaking from the White House, hailed the deal as “tremendous, maybe the greatest ceasefire in history.”

This is satire. Any resemblance to actual geopolitics, exploding infrastructure, or sudden outbreaks of fiscal sanity is purely coincidental.