Muslims in the EU – or How to Lie with Statistics

To Lie with Statistics, You First Need to Know the Facts

Mark Twain supposedly said there are “lies, damned lies, and statistics.” When it comes to Muslim demographics in Europe, the EU Commission has upgraded that to “lies, damned lies and creative statistics,

If you want to manipulate numbers effectively, you must first understand the real ones. Otherwise, your “gotcha” collapses the moment someone checks a timeline. This short guide does exactly that: we examine the actual post-war growth of the Muslim population in today’s EU-27 territory.

We expose the classic statistical tricks, like

• Include Turkey (80M+ Muslims) or the whole Balkans for instant inflation/deflation.
• Pick the wrong baseline year (1945 is so passé).
• Impose a data blackout after 2020 because “we stopped counting the beans for diversity reasons.”
• Confuse “Europe” vs. EU-27 when it suits you.
• And the pièce de résistance: pretend the whole thing was an accident, not policy.

Here’s the part nobody wants to say out loud

This wasn’t some tragic accident caused by “wars and climate change", but top-down policy.

Angela Merkel didn’t just open the gates in 2015 - she basically sent engraved invitations with “Wir schaffen das” embossed in gold. Billions in taxpayer money, suspension of Dublin rules, and a masterclass in moral grandstanding followed.

Ursula von der Leyen then took the baton as Commission President, turning “solidarity” into a legal obligation: every country must take its quota, every refusal is “populism,” and every criticism is “hate.”

The New Pact on Migration? More like the New Pact on Demographic Replacement with extra steps and nicer fonts.

They didn’t “lose control.”

They took control - and steered straight into the Great Replacement debate.

And every time someone pointed at the numbers, the reply was the same: “...a conspiracy theory.”

So next time some EU spokesperson tells you “Islam belongs to Europe” while the latest Pew chart shows the share doubling again, look at the countries still staying yellow and know, it still doesn't.

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Status Quo after WWII - 1945

If someone claims “500,000 Muslims in Europe in 2000,” time-travel them to 1945.

Back then, today’s EU-27 had roughly 1.4–1.5 million Muslims. Almost all indigenous historical minorities in the Balkans (Pomaks, Turks in Bulgaria/Greece, etc.). Western, Northern and Central Europe? Basically zero. Europe was busy clearing rubble, not importing new rubble-clearers on a permanent basis. Shocking, I know.

1970 - 1980 - The Gastarbeiter Era

(Guest workers - 1970s polite-speak for “cheap labor)

Post-war economic miracle created labor shortages. Germany, France, Belgium, Netherlands signed “guest worker” agreements with Turkey, Morocco, Algeria, etc. “Temporary,” they said.

We'll take a look at 1980, when the 'temporary' workers decided to stay... and brought families.

2000

By the year 2000, today’s EU-27 already hosted some 13–17 million Muslims (roughly 3–4%).

France ~4.7M, Germany ~3.2M, Netherlands + Belgium ~1.5M combined, plus the usual suspects.

The viral “under 500k” claim you still see on certain blue-check accounts? Pure fiction, darling. The numbers were already cooking nicely.

2015–2020 – The Great Enrichment Acceleration

Then came the 2015 European migrant crisis — over 1.3 million asylum applications in a single year, the highest since WWII. Mainly Syrians, Afghans, Iraqis, and a healthy side order of economic migration.

Germany (under a certain Chancellor) basically hung out a neon “Wir schaffen das” sign. Sweden, Austria and others joined the party. Family reunification, continued asylum, secondary movements — the works.

Higher fertility rates + native European aging/low births = noticeable upward push.

By 2020 the EU-27 had roughly 20–25+ million Muslims (around 5–6% overall, 8–10%+ in France/Germany/Sweden urban zones).

Pure coincidence, of course. Nothing to do with policy.

By now the numbers aren’t just growing - they’re making themselves felt in daily life.

Knife crime and certain violent offenses have risen noticeably in countries with the highest inflows, with non-citizens heavily overrepresented in the stats - despite endless media attempts to “contextualize” it away.

Housing? Forget about it. Cities like Vienna are in full crisis mode as welfare migration collides with limited stock. Rents climb, waiting lists explode, and natives get lectured about “affordable housing” while watching their neighborhoods change at warp speed.

The schools? In Vienna, Muslim pupils now make up 41.2% of primary and secondary students - the largest single religious group, ahead of Christians at 34.5%. In several districts it’s already over 50%. German as a foreign language in class is the new normal.

The post-2015 wave hasn’t exactly stormed the labor market with Teutonic work ethic.

Years later, employment rates for many of these cohorts hover well below native levels (often 50-65% after a decade, with massive gender gaps), especially in low-skilled sectors. But don’t worry — the welfare state is “enriching” itself beautifully.

2050 Prognosis – Crystal Ball Time

Academic/Pew models project 10–15% Muslim share EU-wide under medium scenarios (higher in Western/Northern countries). Depends heavily on future migration policy.

Or, as the EU Commission calls it: “future demographic vibrancy opportunities.”

Disclaimer: This is a satirical piece. vlgr is not a real news outlet - it's parody and exaggeration for entertainment purposes only. This article will not be translated into German because the redaction team can’t afford a new Bademantel.